How To Hide Being Stoned

Most of us have been there. One minute you are comfortably sitting at hope high as a kite, and the next you remember that you forgot to do something important whilst you were in town, or that you are having your parents/friends/colleagues over. As a result, you find yourself in amongst people, and don’t want to let on that you are stoned.

The problem is, this is easier said than done. This doesn’t mean it is impossible though, there are things you can do to minimise potential damage and affect the way people see you.

STOP FIDGITING

Whether you are sitting down, or standing in a queue, one thing you have to do is stop fidgeting. It is natural to think that you must obviously look stoned, and thus try to look normal. The thing is, when you make an effort to look normal, you look anything but. Focus on something else, and stop worrying about your pose.

STOP TALKING

Chances are, if you think you are rambling, you are. The best way to avoid this is to simply stop talking – and we don’t mean mid-sentence when you realise. Don’t bring up the fact that you are talking nonsense either. Just be conscious of the fact that if you are trying to stay incognito, striking up a conversation with the people around you is not going to help. If you are aware of it, you are less likely to talk.

WEAR SUNGLASSES

Nothing gives a stoner away than the bleary eyed redness that often go hand in hand with a massive bong rip. Where you can, wear tinted sunglasses. This way no one can see your eyes. If you are indoors, than wearing sunglasses is just as suspicious as what they hide, so in this case, use some eye drops, take a tissue with you, and if anyone asks, just say it is allergies.

DEVELOP YOUR WILLPOWER

One of the hardest things to mask when stoned is the sheer sense of laziness that sometimes goes with it. If you happen to be in a situation where people you were not expecting have come to visit, then it is important to reach deep and find some motivation to interact and do things. Of course, if you have had a nice uplifting sativa, then this may not be too much of a struggle, but if you in the middle of an indica body melt, then it may be quite tricky. What makes this point so difficult is that it is not easy to cover up, it needs to come from the willpower within.

DON’T OBSESS

It can be easy to become fixated on one thing in your mind, or worry about the hundreds of things going on in your life, if you happen to over indulge a bit. The way to overcome this, and the external oddball behaviour that can go with it, is to keep reminding yourself that now is not the time to be dwelling on these things, and that you have other things to do. Admitting to yourself (not out loud) that yes, these things may be problems, but they are not problems to deal with now can give you some control back.

COVER UP THE SMELL

If you are going out, then think about your clothes, hair and breath. It is easier to deal with before you leave the house, rather than when you are out and about. This can be done with things like breath mints, odour eliminating sprays, a change of clothes, or even a wash. If people are coming over, then the same still applies, but you may want to think about using an air fresher as well.

PRE-EMPT

This final point combines all of the above. Whilst having a plan of action sounds a bit more overkill than necessary, at least knowing you may have to do this stuff, and keeping it in the back of your mind can both ease your mind (which is half the battle of remaining inconspicuous) as well as allow you to achieve these points more effortlessly.

Steven Voser

Steven Voser is an independent cannabis journalist with over 6 years of experience writing about all things weed; how to grow it, how best to enjoy it, and the booming industry and murky legal landscape surrounding it.

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