Top 10 Things Not To Do While Stoned

There are plenty of activities which should be pursued under the influence of cannabis, like watching a comedy special on Netflix, chilling on a mountain somewhere, doing some yoga, etc... Instead of writing another “To Do” blog, we decided to inform you about activities that should NOT be attempted while high.

1. GO TO THE GROCERY STORE

We get it, you just smoked some Diesel, devoured the contents of your fridge, leaving you deprived of munchies. Now you need to go to your grocery store and stock up with various delicacies, it's a matter of life and death!

However, you should think twice before entering a store while baked, because there’s a great chance that you’ll get lost in the store that suddenly feels like a magic labyrinth. To add to the paranoia, the security guard might start following you, because you covered your head with a hoodie to hide your red eyes from the fluorescent lights, and now look suspicious AF.

To avoid entering the store, stock up on snacks from our assortment, and try to plan your food intake in general, perhaps prepare some healthy snacks before hand?

2. RESPOND TO WORK EMAILS

You know how you space out during mid-sentence and start talking about something completely unrelated? Well, you probably don’t want to respond to an important work email with a story about how adorable you think squirrels are. Unless you work for the squirrel aficionado organization (SAO), it might raise suspicion among your co-workers.

Additionally, typos are quite common while writing under the influence of marijuana, and you don’t want your email to end up as a news story titled “hilarious typo smorgasbord gets employee fired”. On the other hand, if you work for the Hemp Museum, writing emails with stoned stylistics might be a part of the business plan.

3. ONE-ON-ONE APPOINTMENTS

One-on-one appointments should definitely be avoided while baked because one does not simply blend into the crowd, when you're in direct confrontation with another human.

When you're asked about your previous work experiences during your job interview, you’ll start getting philosophical, “what are experiences really?” When filling out a form at the dentist office, under the question to determine your sex, you’ll write “Yes, please!”- don’t be that guy. And when your doctor prescribes you some medicinal marijuana, you'll need to remember the recommended dosage, otherwise you'll take too much, return to the doctor, and the infinite cycle of forgetting will trip you out!

4. DRIVING AND PARKING

Driving while high should never be attempted under any circumstance. If you're on a road trip with your mates, and someone spontaneously suggests a hotbox session in the van, you need to park the car FIRST and hotbox AFTERWARDS. Consider that if you need to instantly drive away, you can’t while high. Therefore park before smoking, and make sure to plan your day so you can remain in the hotbox location for a while.

5. WATCH DRAMAS

Alright, so this advice does not concern all weed smokers, although depending on your mindset, there are certain movies that should be avoided while high. Some of you get tripped out by psychedelic movies like Fantasia, where creepy mushrooms start bouncing around in symphony. Serious dramas can be slightly too heavy for emotional stoners.

Think like this: While high, you’ll be more “involved” in the plot of the movie, something to consider before watching a slasher movie. Also, consider that in cinemas you get surround sound, taking reality to the next level. While high, it might be super cool... or super undesirable.

6. GET A TATTOO

Tattooing a camel on your toe to call it “camel toe”, is exactly the kind of mistake you’ll make in a tattoo parlour while high - avoid it at all cost. If you’ve decided on the design of your tattoo while sober, and want to get high to relax for the pain ahead, then go ahead.

Although, the feeling of "awareness" while high leads some people to experience more pain while getting tattooed because the pain becomes the only focus point. If you just gotta smoke before getting inked, an indica-dominant strain is the strain of choice. THC Bunker Buster will do the job.

View THC Bunker Buster

7. LAUGH IN SERIOUS SITUATIONS

Finding daily trivialities humorous is a common occurrence under marijuana intoxication. Even though you can find the humour in everything, there are situations where smiling and laughing may be inappropriate, or simply awkward.

Watching a drama movie and laughing at that weird cat in the background, while someone announces the death of the protagonist, will make you seem like a weirdo. It’s up to you how you want to present yourself to the world, be yourself. But if you wish to remain serious for a moment, you should probably avoid these giggly strains.

8. ATTEMPT TO BAKE COOKIES

The golden rule is, when smoking weed, bake yourself, not cookies. If you get so high that you encounter the dismantling of the space-time continuum, it will get your cookies burned, setting off the fire alarm. It makes more sense to bake your cookies before getting high, so that you can enjoy your cannabis-infused peanut butter coconut cookies while baked, here's the recipe.

9. GETTING EVEN HIGHER

Here’s the thing, if you've planned your schedule, you can get high as a kite. However, if you still have some stuff to do, and feel like that extra bowl is too delicious to resist, you may need to reschedule your plans, which may be undesirable for that day. Keeping a perfect balance of cannabinoids and functionality is an art form - if you’re a novice toker, stay on the lower side of things if tasks need to be accomplished.

10. DRESS YOUR PETS UP IN COSTUMES

Dressing up your pets can get out of hand while high. Creativity gets out of control, and before long your dog is sitting in the corner, unamused, with the end of a floor mop draped over his head. You, on the other hand, are cracking up on the couch, convincing yourself that Fido is now Bob Marley, incarnate.

Enduring their master's wild imagination while he/she is high, is most likely not something pets really enjoy. If you insist on dressing up your dog for some extra swag, maybe just stick to a little top hat. Or a fake mustache maybe, but that's it!

Adam Parsons

Professional cannabis journalist, copywriter, and author Adam Parsons is a long-time staff member of Zamnesia. Tasked with covering a wide range of topics from CBD to psychedelics and everything in between, Adam creates blog posts, guides, and explores an ever-growing range of products.

Read full bio