Discreet Smoking Tips | Learn How To Get Baked Without Anyone Knowing

It's hard to believe such a species still exists, but if you're spending the weekend with your un-fun grandma, on a trip with co-workers who are less than cannabis-friendly, or watching the kids all weekend, there are ways to enjoy your ganja without anyone being the wiser.

Try these tips when you need to keep your toking habits on the down-low!

USE A VAPORIZER OR ONE-HITTER

Vaping dried herb or oils produces a way more discreet smell than combusting weed. The fragrance is soft and muted, rather than pungent and burnt. Plus, it disperses way faster and won't cling to your hair or clothing quite as bad. After a few minutes, it'll still be noticeable, but it doesn't have an overt cannabis aroma.

Most portable vapes look discreet too. They're small and can be explained away as an electronic cigarette. If you want something really stealthy, use pre-filled vape carts. Most are made from THC isolates, so all the natural weed smell is gone. They smell just like standard e-liquids. If you go with the uber-discreet JUUL-style vape pen, make sure you keep it away from curious kids. They love those things.

A one-hitter is almost as good as a vape. And, in some cases, it's better. It doesn't need a working battery to deliver enough smoke to get nicely high. One-hitters hold onto most of the smell, and they're usually designed to look like a normal cigarette.

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HIDE THE SMELL

Even if you minimise the smell, someone with a practiced nose might still notice. An ex-smoker, perhaps?

To cover that delightful cannabis perfume, airflow is key. Smoking outside is best because the wind will usually carry the smoke away within minutes. If you're stuck inside, blow the smoke out a window or exhaust fan if you can.

Incense is the historic cover scent for weed smokers, but it's become so synonymous with stoners that it's no longer discreet. Try scented candles instead, especially the ones they sell in smoke shops. They're made with extra oils exactly for cover-up purposes. Light it before you smoke and leave it burning for at least 30 minutes afterward.

To capture the smoke at the source, use a mute or sploof. The Smoke Buddy is the most popular commercial version, but you can make one yourself. Fill a toilet paper roll with dryer sheets, cover one end with another sheet, then use a rubber band to keep the covered end secure. Blow smoke in the open end and all that will come out is laundry-fresh air.

KEEP A WELL-HIDDEN STASH

Keeping the smell to a minimum won't help a thing if someone finds your stash. Hiding it can be tricky, especially if you have nosy house guests. You know the type—the ones who do a complete loo search every time nature calls.

Here are some options that might work:

• Put it outdoors in a water-tight container or inside a fake rock.
• Hollow out old electronics that no one would use, like a Walkman.
• Create a false bottom in a dresser drawer that can conceal your stash.
• Buy a stash safe that looks like a wall clock, a book, or even a can of spinach.
• If your closet rod is hollow, it's a great place to hide your stash.

• Make sure you control the smell of your dried buds too. At a minimum, double bag it.

USE ALTERNATIVE CONSUMPTION METHODS

As legalization has spread, so have the options for discreet cannabis consumption. You can now avoid smoking and vaping completely to stay totally inconspicuous.

Here are some other ways to get your daily dose of THC:

• EDIBLES

Ingesting cannabis this way doesn't involve smoke, vapor, pungent smells, electronics, or anything else. Simply pop a brownie, cookie, gummy, or any other snack in your mouth and the deed is done.

• TRANSDERMAL PATCHES

You don't even have to chew to get high with one of these new items. Simply place a self-adhesive patch anywhere on your body where it can't be seen, and you'll get a continuous delivery of THC that passes through your skin to reach your bloodstream. No one would even guess.

• SUBLINGUALS AND INHALERS

Using these items in front of others will invite more questions than putting a bong on the dinner table. Use them in private and no one will know what's up. Sublingual and inhaler sprays administer cannabinoids to your body's membranes where they're quickly absorbed for a near-instant high.

MICRODOSING CANNABIS

Going from straight to high multiple times a day will be a dead giveaway that you're imbibing, but who'll be able to tell the difference if you maintain a mild buzz 24/7?

With medible use on the rise, microdosing cannabis is the latest trend. So many people have misjudged their dose and gotten uncomfortably high that edible makers are now crafting products with only 2–3mg of THC in each individual piece. You need about 10mg to get moderately baked.

It takes up to two hours to feel the effects from an edible, and it lasts 6–8 hours. With microdosing, you can have a mint or small piece of candy every two hours or so to maintain a mild but constant stone.

HOW TO HIDE BEING STONED

All the hard work you've done to hide your high will be for nothing if someone notices your red eyes or announces you smell like weed. With these tips, you look totally straight even when you're high AF.

Rid yourself of the lingering aroma of cannabis. Every time you smoke or vape, visit the bathroom. Brush your teeth, rinse with mouthwash, and wash your hands. If you have long hair, take a sniff. If it smells even remotely smoky, give it a good brush, add a scented spray, and brush some more. If all else fails, take a shower and change your clothes.

If your eyes are red and your mouth is dry, hydrate with plain water and use Open Your Eyes or a similar eye drop designed for smokers.

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If your frequent bathroom trips are beginning to raise eyebrows, try disguising your breath with mints, gum, or a strong cup of coffee. Peanut butter works too, and anything with a lot of onions is virtually guaranteed to keep anyone from getting too close.

Finally, learn how to act like you're not stoned even when you totally are. Don't go completely silent, but make your stories short and keep random comments to a minimum. Short-ish answers are good. Whatever you do, don't giggle like a maniac at jokes no one else finds funny, explain how you can see the music playing in the background, or ask who painted the dog green. It was probably you.

SUMMARY

If consuming cannabis while trying not to get caught is still something you need to do, new products from the emerging cannabis industry are making it easier than ever, as long as you live where it's legal to buy them. If you don't, you can still make do with old-school methods and regular dried flowers. Once you learn all the tricks, you'll be totally stealthy, like a weed ninja.

Miguel Antonio Ordoñez

With an AB Mass Media and Communications degree, Miguel Ordoñez is a veteran writer of 13 years and counting and has been covering cannabis-related content since 2017. Continuous, meticulous research along with personal experience has helped him build a deep well of knowledge on the subject.

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