15 Problems All Stoners Will Recognise

We’ve all been there—or at least, I think we have? You see, being a stoner comes with the occasional problem. Nothing serious! However, in the moment, it may seem very much life or death. If anything, though, these situations only make for great laughs and fun memories with friends. Whether you’ve done some of these yourself or know someone that has, here is our list of the 15 problems all weed smokers will recognise.

Immediately Forgetting What You Were Saying or Doing

Picture this: You’re deep in conversation with your friends, talking passionately about your favourite movie, then bang! Nothing! What were you saying again? Everyone is looking, waiting for you to continue, but you can’t find the words or even remember what you were going on about. Ah well, it’s okay, maybe it’s time to check your phone? You take your phone out, and now you’ve forgotten why you’ve taken your phone out! Not the worst thing to happen when you’re stoned, but be prepared to repeat this a few times during the night! Trust us, we know from experience.

Impaired Judgement

Okay, there are definitely a few no-gos when you’re high—driving, for example! However, there are a few activities that may sound like a good idea at the time, but should definitely be avoided if you’re baked. After that creative high, you may be feeling inspired to finish off those work emails. This may not be such a great idea. You might have a gist of what you’d like to say to that colleague or client, but you should definitely leave it until Monday as embarrassment is sure to follow otherwise. That also goes for that tattoo you’ve been eyeing up. Best leave it until you’re a little clearer to make that decision!

Lighter Thieves

These are the worst people alive. Okay, maybe that’s going a bit too far, but if you have a lighter that “works every time”, one you hold dear, chances are you won’t have it for long with one of these folks around! We'd be lying if we said we’d ever seen anyone physically take a lighter, but they always go missing, and there is always that one friend with about ten in their jacket pocket. The lighter thief is truly the bane of every stoner’s existence.

Talking to Someone High and Being Unable to Decide on a Normal Blinking Rate

This is a problem that is bound to have many of you smiling and nodding your head in agreement. But how much blinking is too much blinking? You’re high and having a conversation, then all of a sudden you become very self-conscious about how much you’re blinking. What is the normal rate? There’s no winning this one. If you blink too fast, you look crazy, and if you stop altogether, you’re going to make the person you’re talking to very uncomfortable. Nobody likes a stone-cold death stare while making polite conversation.

Everything is Life or Death

Well, maybe not literally, but the act of making certain decisions while high adds its own unique type of pressure. Everything has to be just right, or it really feels like it’s going to ruin your night and high. From a precise, exact food order from your local takeaway (with no substitutes) or finding the perfect movie to stream while high (with no subtitles), it’s no secret that being baked can bring out the unreasonable side in some of us.

Paranoia

For most people, it is easy to rationalise situations and talk themselves out of worrying thoughts. When you’re high, however, sometimes paranoia can make an unwelcome appearance. A post-toke moment can cause intense feelings, making you wonder if the police are about to break down your door, aliens are suddenly going to abduct you, or worse still, if you left the oven on! No matter what triggers these thoughts, and no matter how severe they may feel at the time, they will pass, and you’ll no doubt get a good laugh from the irrational thoughts later on!

Red Eyes

Ah, the classic telltale sign that someone is high—good old red eyes. This one can make you feel very self-conscious and wonder if everyone is looking at you (another manifestation of paranoia). This can be a huge problem if you have to venture outside during your smoking session and talk to the general public. Going out in public can be a nightmare when you’re baked, so spare a thought for those red-eyed stoners having to navigate the world to buy some snacks while high. So grab your sunglasses and you’ll be fine! Alternatively, you could use a red-eye-soothing formula like Open Your Eyes to solve that problem in a pinch.

Open Your Eyes

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Falling Into Youtube or Wikipedia Holes

This is the writer’s personal favourite problem to have. The number of baked tangents one can go on is unreal. Whether you’re watching old 80s rock music videos on YouTube (highly recommended) or all of a sudden you want to see who invented Jenga (Leslie Scott, you’re welcome), these searches will no doubt lead to a subsequent black hole of research. Probably not worth working out how much time you’ve spent/wasted on this, but it’s all useful information, so don’t worry too much…

Blurry Focus

You’ve invited your friends over for a smoke, food, and some video games. Sounds like a good time, until you get to that point in the night where all of a sudden your focus isn’t what it was at the beginning of the evening. You can blame lag or other players all you want for why you missed that crucial shot, but it’s time to face up that maybe being baked has slightly tainted your abilities. Don’t worry. It’ll pass! Unless you really suck at video games, then we can’t help you there.

Unexpected Calls or Visitors

Alongside paranoia, unexpected visitors or calls are a pain at the best of times. Trying to deal with them while baked brings its own challenges. Nothing will make you feel more self-conscious about being stoned than dealing with a Jehovah’s Witness on your doorstep. Who knows? You might get into a really fun and deep conversation. Maybe. Worse still, you may have forgotten about your family visiting you, and now you have to make a quick dash around your home to cover the smells and evidence of your mammoth smoking session.

Struggling Through Transactions of Any Kind

Whether in your local grocery store or ordering food over the phone, you’re bound to run into this problem. Trying to find your card or change to pay for snacks while the queue behind you gets increasingly impatient can be a tough time when you’re stoned. Thankfully, ordering online often alleviates this situation; just make sure you put your card details in correctly! Or, if you’re about to make that impulse buy for something you don’t really need, maybe forget a couple of those card digits…

Nobody Takes Your Recommendations Seriously

This is a tough one; you’ve seen a great movie while you were baked and you’re sure your friend is going to love it. You describe a movie that sounds like a really engaging action-packed crime thriller full of dark twists and turns, featuring a hard-nosed, no-mess detective from Down Under. It all sounds fascinating until your friend realises you're talking about Crocodile Dundee, which you watched stoned the night before. While, at the time, it was no doubt riveting and life-changing, in the cold light of day, that might not be the case.

Uncontrollable Munchies

One of the most common problems when high is a bad case of the munchies. While it’s only right to feel a little peckish, ordering that mountain of pizza after you’ve just finished a huge plate of nachos and accepted an order for Chinese food may have taken it a little too far. You’ll definitely be feeling it if you manage to finish it all. But again, there are worse problems to have!

Melting Into Whatever You Are Sitting or Lying on

Your surroundings are essential for a decent time when high, so comfortable furniture is a must! When lying around while smoking, you may suddenly think, “Hey, this bed is really comfy. Was it always like this?”. These are the first and last thoughts before you sink into a whole new world of comfort where gravity has upped the ante—a comfort that is hard to come out of (and even harder to replicate when you’re sober)!

Laughing When You Shouldn’t Be

There are times when you’ll fall into uncontrollable laughter while high, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, there are occasions when you shouldn’t be laughing. If someone is talking about a topic that’s serious or important to them and you burst out in laughter, it’s certainly not going to score you any points with them. This applies to so many areas. Oh, and no matter how much of a good idea it may sound like at the time: Don’t get baked before a funeral.

15 Problems All Stoners Will Experience: It Could Be Worse, Right?

As mentioned a few times, there are certainly worse problems to have than the ones featured on our list. It is important to embrace them and see the funny side if you find yourself in one of these situations.

However, if you feel you are too high, there are a few steps you can take to fix it. Although it’s worth bearing in mind that your high will soon pass, switching to a strain with a high level of CBD will help counter the effects of the THC-laden strain that got you into this mess. Other tips include going for a walk to clear your mind, taking a shower, and simply just distracting yourself. You’ll be surprised how well these work when you need them to! Take care, and most of all, enjoy!

Adam Parsons

Professional cannabis journalist, copywriter, and author Adam Parsons is a long-time staff member of Zamnesia. Tasked with covering a wide range of topics from CBD to psychedelics and everything in between, Adam creates blog posts, guides, and explores an ever-growing range of products.

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